i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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