I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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