is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
