I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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