he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize