You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Girls should come with a carfax report
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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