I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
