Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
