just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
