waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
