I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
