He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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