Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
