Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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