Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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