I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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