Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(906): View more from Michigan

Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow

(248): View more from Michigan

Perfect. Like where your heads at

(906): View more from Michigan

By relax I mean have sex

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(906): Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow (248): Perfect. Like where your heads at (906) By relax I mean have sex http://tfl.nu/crtd

Replies (2) Good night (2141) Bad night (615)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Being persistent has its perks my friend.

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(609): I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking. (215): Being persistent has its perks my friend. http://tfl.nu/wzcm

Replies (11) Good night (3552) Bad night (409)
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(352): View more from Florida

I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.

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(352): I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about. http://tfl.nu/yxic

Replies (19) Good night (3854) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

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(919): Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee. http://tfl.nu/oz8w

Replies (20) Good night (4215) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
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(831): View more from California

I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE

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(831): I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE http://tfl.nu/5c8q

Replies (29) Good night (5546) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
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(602): View more from Arizona

Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.

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(602): Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue. http://tfl.nu/w4nd

Replies (12) Good night (5709) Bad night (826)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.

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(203): Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that. http://tfl.nu/1tq2

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(973): View more from New Jersey

my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories

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(973): my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories http://tfl.nu/tcvk

Replies (7) Good night (2831) Bad night (1664) Order T-Shirt
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(720): View more from Colorado

Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

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(720): Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers http://tfl.nu/jgqx

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(949): View more from California

the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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(949): the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed. http://tfl.nu/zkih

Replies (11) Good night (849) Bad night (2408) Order T-Shirt
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(630): View more from Illinois

Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.

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(630): Thursday nights need to stop happening to me. http://tfl.nu/p744

Replies (8) Good night (2241) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
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(386): View more from Florida

Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now

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(386): Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now http://tfl.nu/ahzl

Replies (1) Good night (1274) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
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(740): View more from Ohio

I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.

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(740): I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper. http://tfl.nu/p7ov

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...

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(617): A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain... http://tfl.nu/gy86

Replies (4) Good night (905) Bad night (248) Order T-Shirt
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(705): View more from Ontario

We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass

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(705): We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass http://tfl.nu/z449

Replies (4) Good night (440) Bad night (126) Order T-Shirt

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