I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."