He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?