That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.