He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
