I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.