Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.