Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)

  (214): View more from Texas

  Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

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  (281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one) (214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping. http://tfl.nu/odlj
  Replies (15) Good night (2560) Bad night (1027)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Nice meating you last night

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Not a typo

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  (843): Nice meating you last night (843): Not a typo http://tfl.nu/icxk
  Replies (19) Good night (5108) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  so... thinking about masturbating finally

  (661): View more from California

  taking the losers way out I see

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  (818): so... thinking about masturbating finally (661): taking the losers way out I see http://tfl.nu/lnxg
  Replies (14) Good night (669) Bad night (2815)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"

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  (717): I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal" http://tfl.nu/9g1t
  Replies (25) Good night (5998) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies

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  (208): I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies http://tfl.nu/u66b
  Replies (25) Good night (8045) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags

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  (404): Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags http://tfl.nu/uxsx
  Replies (12) Good night (871) Bad night (4506)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.

  (917): View more from New York City

  i told you we never speak of that again

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  (718): you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something. (917): i told you we never speak of that again http://tfl.nu/ijex
  Replies (14) Good night (1213) Bad night (4450)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

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  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
  Replies (39) Good night (5992) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  We had to coat check the pizza.

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  (514): We had to coat check the pizza. http://tfl.nu/aa4o
  Replies (3) Good night (3133) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary

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  (204): I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary http://tfl.nu/rsxr
  Replies (5) Good night (2435) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

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  (361): After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge. http://tfl.nu/26oy
  Replies (14) Good night (5091) Bad night (1363)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.

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  (909): The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you. http://tfl.nu/bupp
  Replies (12) Good night (2194) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke

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  (416): Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke http://tfl.nu/mtw8
  Replies (1) Good night (509) Bad night (1256)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?

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  (778): On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check? http://tfl.nu/1mv7
  Replies (7) Good night (1068) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You in for a dick vacation?

  (1-619): View more from California

  YES, even though I have no idea what that means

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  (619): You in for a dick vacation? (1-619): YES, even though I have no idea what that means http://tfl.nu/ak79
  Replies (4) Good night (735) Bad night (259)

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