the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.