can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.