Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex

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(907): She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex http://tfl.nu/o751

Replies (18) Good night (3995) Bad night (1217)
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(519): View more from Ontario

You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

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(519): You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know. http://tfl.nu/dzr5

Replies (15) Good night (6879) Bad night (1084)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.

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(416): Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend. http://tfl.nu/lag5

Replies (9) Good night (5492) Bad night (1127)
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(254): View more from Texas

she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.

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(254): she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared. http://tfl.nu/cseo

Replies (9) Good night (3090) Bad night (985)
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(805): View more from California

WHY are the edges of my bra charred???

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(805): WHY are the edges of my bra charred??? http://tfl.nu/czt9

Replies (12) Good night (3330) Bad night (1044)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

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(814): The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate. http://tfl.nu/mnoh

Replies (9) Good night (757) Bad night (4037)
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(917): View more from New York City

Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.

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(917): Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'. http://tfl.nu/jzlx

Replies (12) Good night (861) Bad night (2604)
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(847): View more from Illinois

The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.

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(847): The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling. http://tfl.nu/bvbt

Replies (6) Good night (2083) Bad night (651)
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(917): View more from New York City

every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.

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(917): every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate. http://tfl.nu/13a6

Replies (16) Good night (3876) Bad night (849)
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(316): View more from Kansas

You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.

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(316): You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form. http://tfl.nu/cz7h

Replies (1) Good night (601) Bad night (344)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.

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(443): I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer. http://tfl.nu/9juw

Replies (3) Good night (821) Bad night (331)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.

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(804): Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare. http://tfl.nu/gxnn

Replies (5) Good night (838) Bad night (349)
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(817): View more from Texas

I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.

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(817): I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember. http://tfl.nu/qd7b

Replies (0) Good night (702) Bad night (359)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket

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(412): i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket http://tfl.nu/c231

Replies (11) Good night (1116) Bad night (245)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.

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(919): All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there. http://tfl.nu/arna

Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (198)

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