M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize