i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
