Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
