I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This house was built for laser tag.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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