In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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