we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
