i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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