if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
