they need to just BURY HIM!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
