never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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