You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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