no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
