This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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