why didn't you poke me back
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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