Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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