Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
