my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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