nut hugger
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
