So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
