Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
