i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
3pm strippers are depressing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
