his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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