I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
