no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
