A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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