This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
