pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
