...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
