I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
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i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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