I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
