Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
