Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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