is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can you bring me the toilet please
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
