I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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