if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you inspire me to be a worse person
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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