I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
