quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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