He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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