just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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