I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
love makes seman taste better
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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