im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
