I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
