Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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