She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
