I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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