Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
