The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
