I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
