idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
