I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
