Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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