On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
