So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
