Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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