First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
