That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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