Someone shit on the floor
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
