im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
