How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
