That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize