i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
