nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
