we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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