I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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