Moan for me like Helen Keller
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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